Ms Phyllis ate some oysters,
And poor Ms Phyllis died,
Apparently, the oysters,
Had poisoned her insides.
Ms Phyllis went to heaven,
As all good ladies do,
And started making plans,
For her Albert's coming, too.
She could hardly wait to show him,
Heaven's banquet hall of gold,
Where all the oysters one might wish,
Were served both hot an cold.
One night, while eating oysters,
In the golden banquet hall,
She met another oyster eater,
Who, as she, loved oysters most of all.
Recognizing mutual interests,
The two became fast friends,
Both had died from poisoned oysters.
But now they ate them without end.
Ms Anne, the younger of the two,
Had come from Delaware,
"My, what a small world," said Ms Phyllis,
"My husband came from there."
Ms Anne said she had married young,
At sixteen she fell in love,
Hers was a marriage made in heaven,
Blest by the Lord above.
And then she went on to tell,
How she broke her husband's heart,
How hard he cried, the day she died,
When poisoned oysters tore them apart.
Ms Phyllis offered sympathy,
And showed Ms Anne she cared,
She hugged her in the banquet hall,
So glad she'd met her there.
"I first met Albert, in my thirty's,"
Ms Phyllis shared her life's events,
"Albert!" squealed Ms Anne.
"My! What a coincidence!"
"How strange ... my dear husband's name ,
Indeed, was Albert, too,
You and I have much in common,
Besides our love for oyster stew."
Ms Phyllis and Ms Anne both laughed,
As each took another dish
Each had a husband name of Albert,
And all the oysters they could wish,
Well, to make this story short,
As you have surely guessed,
Both Alberts were one and the same,
So who would claim him at his death?
Well, since the ladies were in heaven,
And now enriched with holy traits,
Each offered Albert to the other,
To be her heavenly mate.
Ms Anne said, "I will give him up,"
"Oh no you won't, my dear,"
Ms Phyllis answered, in rebuff,
"That, I will not hear."
Their controversy grew,
All heaven was aghast,
Even angels started waging bets,
On who'd get Albert last.
Ms Phyllis said, "He's yours, my dear,
Ms Anne said, "No, I'm giving him to you."
Meanwhile, Albert down on earth,
Was brewing up more oyster stew.
Not knowing and unmindful,
Of the happenings above,
Albert found wife Number Three,
Who, too, had an oyster love.
Now, if the truth be known,
And one's not shocked to hear this news,
Albert always hated oysters,
And he added Arsenic to his stews.
And God, who is all-knowing,
Admonished Ms Phyllis and Ms Anne,
"Ladies, stop your fussing,
You don't know my final plans."
"So, ladies, eat your oysters,
And enjoy Eternity ,
Don't concern yourselves with Albert,
Just leave him up to me."
Oyster stew with Arsenic,
God did not think was very nice,
So Albert's final destination,
Would be far removed from Paradise!
by Virginia (Ginny) Ellis
Copyright 2000 ~ Revised 2004